Judge Not Unless They Deserve It

Here is a list of things I will judge you for.  Most of these will be familiar to those of you who work in the restaurant industry.

1. Being a guy and saying "I don't like beer."  Guys like beer.  It's actually more important than liking sports, which is an indisputable, scientific fact.

2. Ordering an expensive steak well done.  You should be ordering something else, because you do not like steak.  It won't be good, and it will make your friends have to wait longer for their dinner.

3. Saying "expresso," mispronouncing the three-letter-word "ask," and spelling "definitely" with an 'a.'

4. Not believing in evolution.  Evolution happened and happens.  It's not up for debate.  When scientists use the word "theory," it means it gives room for corrections based on new data.  It's not like when we colloquially use the word "theory" when we kinda suspect something.  Gravity is a theory too.

5. Putting your food in a pan before you turn the heat on when you cook.  Unless you're rendering fat from bacon, making a stock, or slowly simmering a batch of salsa, you're doing it wrong.  Very wrong.

6. Using the passing lane (IT'S THE FAR LEFT ONE) for anything other than passing.  Please drive into the median.

7. Being REALLY into what I call "Bud Light classic rock."  It's what it sounds like; the music people who drink lots of Bud Light at a party can't wait to listen to.  Springsteen, Journey, Bryan Adams, Bon Jovi, John Mellencamp, Tom Petty, or the song "American Pie" by Don McLean.  We've all heard this music ad nauseum.  All of us.  Every single person at the party.  (side note: Queen does not belong in this category because Queen kicks ass.)

8. Having a problem with your foods touching.  Do you like your salt on the side of your french fries and your marinara sauce on the side of your pasta too?  Age already, weirdo.

9. Saying "we won" when your favorite team wins.  You and your couch had nothing to do with it.  I bet when they lose, you say "they lost."

10. Watching Fox News or MSNBC as if they're actual news.  They're not.  They should be taken with a bag of salt.  It's like watching pro wrestling.  Which is another thing I could add to the list.

More to come, most likely.