There are some customer behaviors, however, that I really have trouble pinpointing a motive behind. I'm a person who has trouble understanding how others can be clueless of their surroundings, in particular. As a good server, I always ask my customers if they have any questions for me. Now it's my turn to dole out some questions and comments for you, the potential customer, based on strange behaviors that I see on a daily basis.
1. Blocking Me From Giving You Your Food/Drinks:
I did put your menu on the table in front of you, but my intention was that you'd pick it up and look at it. If your menus, your silverware, and your kids' toys are sprawled all over the table and I come over with your drinks, what are you expecting I'm going to do with them? Put them on your head? Pick. Up. Your. Fucking. Menu. And. Move. It. Out. Of. The. Fucking. Way. If you're going to be such a critic on how well I do my job, it would help if you'd allow me to do my job.
2. Looking Confused At Me When I Come To Your Table:
For this one, I assume it may be a simple case of certain people being socially awkward, and maybe not even realizing that they have a puzzled look on their face as I attempt to take their drink order, ask them if they have questions, or say hello to them. If this is the case, you should spend more time with your therapist rather than going out to restaurants all day. If this isn't the case, and you really are puzzled, just remember: you came to me.
3. Not Looking Up At Me At All When I Come To Your Table:
Come on man, throw the ball back. Don't leave a brother hanging and looking like an idiot, because I'm really not one. I'm just trying to help you have a good time. If you don't need anything, you can just say "we're all set," or "we're not ready yet," or anything at all. I do usually give people a good 5-10 seconds, as I realize they're having engaging conversations and may be quite excited to see each other. But just have some common courtesy. My server friend walks away from these tables muttering to herself, "I'll just go fuck myself then..."
4. Ordering Things Not On the Menu:
You've got a wine list right in front of you. Don't say "I'll have a white zinfandel" if you don't see it on the menu. Actually, I can't ever think of a legitimate reason to utter those five words. Sometimes people ask for non-menu items that I can't fault them for. I work in a restaurant that used to only have an espresso machine, rather than a drip coffee machine. At brunch (a.k.a. Hell - ask any server), almost every table would say "I'll have a coffee," as coffee is something to be expected at brunch time. In such cases, I politely pointed them towards the drink list and explained that it's all espresso drinks. Sometimes, people would reply, "just a regular coffee is fine." Not to re-hash a cliche phrase, but... did I fucking stutter?
5. Hiding the Fact That You're Ready to Pay:
Check presenters are built with little slots in the top where the credit card pokes out, which signals to your server "I am ready to pay, you may take this check presenter away without seeming like you're rushing me." If you don't use this, or if you're paying cash and don't show any of that cash sticking out of the top, I will not take your check away. You need to let me know that you're ready. Why do you want me to guess? Do you enjoy the uncomfortable "is this all set, or do you need more time?" conversations? I don't.
There will probably be another installment of these.
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